Im 46 next month. Was born into the cult, and left when I was 15. A lot of us are in that same boat as you. All we can do is figure it out as we go along. Others may not understand, if they werent brought up in a similar way. Be patient, and be kind to yourself. I know its tough. Everyday I struggle to figure what the point is. Everyday it hurts to get out of bed, trying to face a life that I didnt ask for. A life that, in a human beings most crucial years of development, left me unprepared for the inevitables of living.