this right here. all or nothing. and congrats on 11 years, homie. proud of you. to OP: it sounds like you know what you have to do. youve recognized your triggers and you have all of the power you need inside of you to change your behavior. accept it. change it for one day. and keep it that way one day at a time. count the days. congratulate yourself for each day you wake up sober be proud and love yourself. if you slip, dont feel shame grant yourself some grace and start over. you can do this.