r/addiction:

u/TooFartTooFurious

congrats on those 8 months, friendo. <3
u/TooFartTooFurious

this right here. all or nothing. and congrats on 11 years, homie. proud of you. to OP: it sounds like you know what you have to do. youve recognized your triggers and you have all of the power you need inside of you to change your behavior. accept it. change it for one day. and keep it that way one day at a time. count the days. congratulate yourself for each day you wake up sober be proud and love yourself. if you slip, dont feel shame grant yourself some grace and start over. you can do this.
u/TooFartTooFurious

my first piece of advice is to follow all the way through with your thoughts of the struggle you are going through. let those feelings sink in. convince yourself, to a degree of total understanding and acceptance, that you have a problem that you need to solve. call yourself what you are, if i understand it correctly: an addict. once you change your mind the rest comes with intent and effort. you dont need meetings but they are a great place to start down the path to sobriety. im 188 days clean & sober for the first time in my adult life. (every additional day is a first for me in that regard) i never went to meetings until getting clean this time. i did about a month, two meetings a week, until i decided i was better off on my own path. i still check in with some de facto sponsors and friends from those groups to keep myself honest and see how they are doing as well. on the money tip- dont fixate on what youve spent and if you do dont shame yourself for it. fuck it, ripping gator bellies is fun. i damn near did it professionally for 15 years. literally. i would use at work for the most part. but work for me has always been very social and cocaine use is very much normalized at most levels and in certain circles of my industry. again, the important thing here is to stop or refrain from shaming yourself. youre doing the right thing by wanting to stop. and as far as not telling anyone the opposite helped me greatly. i took a few weeks off of work and when i got back it was all i would tell folks. it was mostly out of self-preservation and to get everyone informed that no, i didnt want to do blow with them anymore. but you should get your head right first and then start with one day clean. get through one day at a time until you feel confident, and then if it moves you to do so: be honest. tell everyone what youve gone through and what youve done to fix it. the more people i tell the more people i find that are either supportive because they are reasonable and good and they love me, and the more people i find going through the same exact thing. and every single one of those interactions makes it easier to get through that day. good luck. DM me if you ever need someone to chat with.
u/TooFartTooFurious

there is such a thin line between use and abuse, recreational and problematic enjoyment. so thin it might not exist.. i work in the music industry. cocaine is a cup of coffee to many of my peers. i thought i was using to a recreational degree, myself, for many years. problem is: i wasnt employing the right mental framework to approach my use. i discovered powder cocaine in my late teens and was smoking crack by 21. i moved far, far away from all of the people in my life who were enabling me and got clean for a few good years. those good years, in the clean regard at least, ended when i started my career doing sound and touring the states. i was back to doing almost every drug imaginable real quick, except for anything intravenous thank goodness. it didnt seem to affect my relationships, because everyone i knew was doing the same thing. it didnt seem to affect my money, because i lived simply otherwise and was earning more than i ever had prior. it didnt seem that way, but it was affecting those things. point being: to me there is no level of habitual use that isnt abuse. at this point in my life ive changed how i see my habits and have accepted that i am an addict. ive been clean for 186 days longest (by far) since i returned to using almost 16 years ago. if youre asking about this because of someone in your life you are worried about then do what you can to help change their mind. to me, they wont change their ways until they change their mind. the mind is reeeally powerful. it has the capacity to supercede its own urges. it can do the work necessary but it needs help in a lot of cases. help them change their mind and theyll have a real fighting chance.
u/TooFartTooFurious

LETS FUCKING GO.
u/TooFartTooFurious

congrats on 9 months amigo- just hit 192 days today myself.