Im right there with ya. 45 though, and raised in a cult. Creatively minded, but depressive swings to the extreme (bed for days, full bladder til sweat, headaches, no dates/sex for years at a time). When youre told Armageddon is any day, planning becomes a burden. Im tired of life, and nothing really excites me except for the few hours after work I can play a guitar or a piano. Find something that shines the tiniest of light into your life, and try to live in it. All the best.