my first piece of advice is to follow all the way through with your thoughts of the struggle you are going through. let those feelings sink in. convince yourself, to a degree of total understanding and acceptance, that you have a problem that you need to solve. call yourself what you are, if i understand it correctly: an addict. once you change your mind the rest comes with intent and effort. you dont need meetings but they are a great place to start down the path to sobriety. im 188 days clean & sober for the first time in my adult life. (every additional day is a first for me in that regard) i never went to meetings until getting clean this time. i did about a month, two meetings a week, until i decided i was better off on my own path. i still check in with some de facto sponsors and friends from those groups to keep myself honest and see how they are doing as well. on the money tip- dont fixate on what youve spent and if you do dont shame yourself for it. fuck it, ripping gator bellies is fun. i damn near did it professionally for 15 years. literally. i would use at work for the most part. but work for me has always been very social and cocaine use is very much normalized at most levels and in certain circles of my industry. again, the important thing here is to stop or refrain from shaming yourself. youre doing the right thing by wanting to stop. and as far as not telling anyone the opposite helped me greatly. i took a few weeks off of work and when i got back it was all i would tell folks. it was mostly out of self-preservation and to get everyone informed that no, i didnt want to do blow with them anymore. but you should get your head right first and then start with one day clean. get through one day at a time until you feel confident, and then if it moves you to do so: be honest. tell everyone what youve gone through and what youve done to fix it. the more people i tell the more people i find that are either supportive because they are reasonable and good and they love me, and the more people i find going through the same exact thing. and every single one of those interactions makes it easier to get through that day. good luck. DM me if you ever need someone to chat with.